Patient A: “I used to have a full and exciting life. My job with a nonprofit organization was extremely rewarding. Even though I worked 60 or more hours a week, I felt like I was providing an important service. I also had an active social life, which included teaching aerobics classes and working with the local community theater. Now that’s all gone thanks to fibromyalgia. I had to give up the job I enjoyed to take something with shorter hours and less stress. It’s all I can do to drag myself to work every day and I collapse every night when I get home. As for a social life, I have none. I feel so useless. Sometimes I wonder why I’m taking up space on earth.”
Patient B: “My life is certainly very different than it was before fibromyalgia. In many ways I would say it’s better. When I got past feeling sorry for myself, I decided it was time to take a hard look at my life. Because my energy was so limited, I wanted to be sure I was using what little energy I had on the things that were most important to me. My first step was to move back to my hometown to be closer to my children and grandchildren. They are the most important people in my life and traveling was getting more and more difficult for me. Changing my career was a bit more complicated but I was eventually able to set things up so that now I am able to work from home, doing what I love to do and also helping others who are battling this frustrating disease.”
I’m sure you have figured out that Patient A is the victim and Patient B is the victor. What you may not know is that Patient A and Patient B are the same person –– and that person is yours truly. I was Patient A ten years ago. Now I am Patient B.
What made the difference? How did I go from being a victim to being a victor? I took control. A victim is at the mercy of someone or something else. A victor takes control of a situation or circumstance and comes out on top. I took control of my attitude first; then I took the actions necessary to take control of my life.
A Change of Attitude
I was tired of feeling like a victim and I knew the only way to change that feeling was to change my attitude. I was spending too much time feeling sorry for myself because of all the things I couldn’t do anymore. So, I made a conscious decision to focus on the things I could do. While I accepted the fact that I would no longer be able to do some of the physical activities I had enjoyed, I also realized that the core of who I am had not changed. I was still the same caring, creative person I had always been. I just had to find new ways to express those traits. I still had something to offer my family and the world.
Taking Action
Next I sat down with a pen and paper and seriously evaluated my priorities. Much to my surprise, most of what precious little energy I had was being expended on things that were not high on my list of priorities. I had gotten caught up in doing what I thought I had to or “should” do, while the things that were most important to me were being ignored or postponed.Once I was clear about my priorities, I began to look for ways to make changes in my life that would allow me to spend my time and energy on what was most important to me: my family and my writing. It didn’t happen overnight, but little by little I made changes and gradually it did happen.
