I'm going to be honest - I'm pretty much a huge mess right now. I'm hurting. I had an emotional melt-down earlier. I feel mentally wrung out. I'm dealing with serious frustration and fear.
On top of what's been an extremely stressful and exhausting month, I've been having issues getting the medications I depend on to manage my pain: Vicodin (hydrocodone), Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine), and methotrexate (which I take for inflammatory arthritis.)
Two things are going on. When it comes to the Vicodin and Flexeril, the problem is that I have a new primary doctor. There's apparently some glitch in the process that's causing prescription refill requests from my pharmacy to go unacknowledged by her office. She's not turning them down, she's simply not responding at all. Last month, it was my thyroid hormone and blood pressure meds that were delayed, and this month it was my pain killers and muscle relaxers.
Since I've been on the methotrexate, which has only been for a few months, I haven't needed the Vicodin and Flexeril nearly as much. However, because of my recent stress level, I've needed them more - and I've been out. I've been getting more and more nervous about that.
Then I put in a methotrexate refill request and it was rejected by my rheumatologist. I'd just been to see her three weeks ago and had labs done to check my liver function (which is mandatory with this drug,) and the letter from her said the labs were good and to proceed with the dosage increase we'd discussed. So you can see why I was confused when the pharmacy said, "Your doctor says you need to have a re-check on your December labs." I talked to the nurse and reminded her that I'd just had them done and she said, "The doctor wants you to have them done again."
Methotraxate is a once-a-week drug, and I got this information two days before I was supposed to take it - except that, because of the dosage increase I implemented two weeks ago, I don't have a full dosage. I let the nurse know that, and she assured me that if I got right down to the lab, we'd get it taken care of in time. I did. I heard nothing the next day, then called her a couple of times the day I was supposed to take the drug and still heard nothing.
So here I sit, with my hands and feet puffing up. My left hip is on fire and sending burning tendrils down my leg and into my foot. My neck muscles are clenched tight and I've got a headache.
But the physical part isn't the worst of it. I'm frustrated. I'm scared. I've been in a panic and crying twice.
What happens is that when we're lucky enough to find something that works, it changes our lives for the better. When it's ripped away from us, we suddenly see everything we've gained back crumbling away. It's terrifying.
Even though I know I will get all of my meds at some point, I also know I could be facing some real issues over the next week. When I first started on the methotrexate, I had some side effects that were really unpleasant and, fortunately, went away. This little break, though, could mean that I have to go through some of that again. I really don't want the headaches and mouth sores and other things to come back. I just want the meds that make me functional.
Like I said, right now I'm a huge hurty mess. For someone with fibromyalgia, I know I'm spoiled - I've found a great set of treatments that work for me and keep me between 60-85% functional. The arthritis (my newest diagnosis) was knocking me down to about 50%, but the methotrexate bumped me back up. Call me selfish, but I don't want to be back on the roller coaster, and I especially don't want to be there because my doctors can't keep my meds straight!
Have you gone through problems like this? Have you had drugs that worked ripped away from you? Do you worry about losing your meds? Leave your comments below!
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