Blog Classic: July 20, 2008
Have you ever had the feeling someone thought you were just a wimp when it came to pain? Like you just can't handle pain like most people? Maybe, in some of our weak moments (i.e., heavily drugged, still hurting and unable to sleep at 3 a.m.), we even think that about ourselves.
It's true that those of us with fibromyalgia feel pain when other people don't. However, we also deal with more pain than other people do, and we generally deal with it better than they do as well.
What's at work here is the difference between pain threshold and pain tolerance. Here are the definitions:
- Pain Threshold: the point at which stimulus (such as pressure or temperature) is reported by a person as pain.
- Pain Tolerance: the amount of pain a person can withstand before breaking down, either emotionally or physically.
So yes, our pain threshold is incredibly low. When confronted with stimuli other people's bodies consider harmless, our nervous systems sound the alarm, sending pain signals to our brain, which then over-reacts and turns up the volume on pain.
When it comes to pain tolerance, though, we can blow most people out of the water! I had a good friend who recently was laid out by an ingrown toenail. Sure, it hurt, but does it really warrant constant complaining, stopping your life and spending a few days on the couch? Meanwhile, we deal with so much pain that it becomes just another part of who we are. For me, it's like, "I'm a Mom, I'm short, I wear glasses, and I hurt." I work in pain, I socialize in pain, I parent in pain. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to do those things at all. It takes a heck of a lot of pain to break me down, physically or emotionally.
So when someone looks at you as if you're weak for being in pain, look back at them with all the strength it takes to live with pain as your constant companion and ask, "Who here is stronger?"
Learn more or join the conversation!
NEWSLETTER | FORUM | BIO | TWITTER | FACEBOOK
Photo © Adam Crowley/Getty Images
If the average Joe experienced 1/10th the amount of pain we endure daily…they would prob. be camping out at the E.R. I no longer can remember what living without pain feels like. Can you? The only time I am not in pain is when I take enough medication to knock myself out so I can sleep at night. I wake in pain, move in pain, everything…P A I N. Our doctors don’t want to hear it every minute…it’s for sure our friends and family don’t either so we are the silent ones.
I started with Fibro. about 12 years ago. I do not remember what it’s like not to be in pain day and night for years, and no-one seems to get it unless they are also Fibromites.I now take the maximum amount of an opiate med. that is allowed by law. I don’t know why they can do that to someone who is suffering nearly as much and sometimes more than people with cancer. I recently had surgery to remove my gall-bladder and the pain of Fibro. was worse than the surgery. I zeroed out from an allergic reaction to the zofran that they gave me and was on life support for 4 days and nights and spent 11 days in the hospital. I have been in a flare for over 3 years now and cannot find a comfortable spot anywhere day or night. If I even accidently scratch my skin it gets all red and sets off a burning pain that seems to travel until I’m totally consumed in pain. I still feel like it is a left-over from Polio vaccine that was given to us as soon as it came out. I really haven’t felt good since then and that’s been 45 years ago, but as always no one wants to listen. My only hope is that my two daughters do not get it. I am now 70 and live each day praying for a cure. Thanks for listening, Shirley
Its good to know I’m not alone. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but its nice to know that there are others out there with the same sufferings & who are also being accused of being addicted to pain killers or that we are just hypochondriacs. We just need to stick together, remember to pray, and stick to what works for right now until something better comes along.
I am currently undergoing physio following a knee op. I left yesterday feeling like a naughty school girl who hadn’t tried enough because I am in so much pain. I have had ME for 20+ years and have recently been diagnosed with FM as well. As you so rightly say, we live life in pain – I don’t think I can remember a day that didn’t hurt. So my Pain Threshold is low but oh boy have I had years of practise on the Pain Tolerance front.
Thanks for the article. I stumbled across it whilst Googling and it has made me feel not so much of a failure.
The only time I don’t notice the pain of FM is when I am having pancreatic pain. I had surgery on the pancreas 2 years ago and was given morphine. The nurses would come in and push the little button on the machine and tell me, “Don’t try to be brave.” They told my brother that I had the highest pain tolerance they had seen.
In response to 2) Shirley Wall. I was diagnosed w/ FMS about 7 yrs. ago and have suffered w/ all the severe pain and symptoms that go along w/ it. Just recently I had a gall bladder attack and went to the emergency room. They sent me to surgery and I had it removed. Since then the pain from the FMS is gradually going away. I can tell already that I didn’t have FMS at all. For this past 7 yrs. I’ve had a bad gall bladder. I’ve been misdiagnosed all these years. If you pull up on a gall bladder attack website you’ll see that the symptoms are extremely similar to that of FMS. I wonder if while you were in the hospital for your gall bladder, if it ruptured or your liver or duodenum is giving you problems. Please by all means, go and get an ultrasound of where your gall bladder was, your liver and duodenum and any other surrounding areas and see what they can find. Something tells me, this isn’t FMS at all with you either. It has to do w/ your gall bladder or these other organs. Let me know what happens. Thanks!
2) In response to Shirley Wall again. I’ve really been looking into this for you. I also wonder if they may have left behind a gall stone left in a bile duct. Sometimes they can slide down into this duct and cause severe pain as well. Definitely listen to your body. Do not let them give you a Sonogram because it won’t pick up these things. You have to have them look at these areas with an Ultrasound only to be able to pick it up. Also I found a great website you may want to look at : Self-What’s Wrong with Me? Living Well Articles: self.com. It’s from the March 2006 issue. It explains about a lady that was diagnosed with other things for 4 months before they finally found out she had a gallbladder infection and only because her family had a history of gallbladder problems. Also the gallbladder, liver, duodenum are all in the same area on the right side of the body and very near the spine. Any infection in this part of the body can cause pain to radiate thru your entire body. Something just tells me that you really need to pin point this gallbladder area and try to get it cleared up. I almost promise you’ll get your life back and will never have to take another pain pill. I went from taking 13 meds in the daytime and 4 @ night down to only 1 med. that I need for arthritis. I am solely Amazed!!!
I am 52 years old and am almost bedridden with pain. Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Osteo Arthritis, and Degenerative Arthritis. This was all done at a military medical facility. The Rhumatology Clinic dumped me back to an internal medicine clinic. Shortly there after I was diagnosed with low thyroid and high blood pressure. In 2004 I had back surgury because my spine is deteriorating. I have had both feet operated on just so I could keep walking. I almost died from asperation during the removal of a kidney stone. Through all of this my husband quit drinking and PTSD began ruling his life. At this time he had been dealing with RA for about eight years. We had two young children and he began taking out all his life-long anger on them. The psychological trauma was the worst. He was put out of the for abuse twice. But within the first two years of my diagnosis I had the opportunity to be involved in a research study at the U of Washington. It helped a great deal. I still use the skills that I learned there. On Feb. 5, 2004, my husband lost all reasonable thought during a week long meds run to get me on a sleep pattern. He waited until I was incapable of protecting myself and committed spousal rape, with a 2 hour dose of physical abuse. I did somithing to the area where I had the back surgury. Now I am in a walker, and the pain in my back and legs is over the top. I refuse to load up on pain meds because of the danger. In the twelve years since my diagnosis I have had some good times, now there are almost none. I have filed for disability, but military doctors refuse to help. I have a lawyer, but haven’t heard from him in a while. I have no income, a home I want to pass on to the 16 year old I am still raising and the state will only give me food stamps. I want my life back. I know it won’t happen. The chronic pain, chronic fatique, fibromyalgia, fibrofog and all the arthritis is eating me alive and I have no where else to turn. Please believe me, I am even being treated for Restless Extremities Syndrome, and gout. If it is tied to fibro I have it. No you are not alone! But how, as a single entity, does one get help to be able to eat and pay bills? I have gone through every possible resource since my husband died In June 08 and took his income with him. He never allowed me to work so I have no options there. You are not alone. What’s really sad is that a few people may be worse off than we are. God Forbid. Thank you for giving me someplace to blog about my issues and to those of you, who like me, just appreciate you taking the time to read this.
Debbie, I am so sorry for your situation…sometimes I read these stories and almost feel fortunate…I supose things could always be worse…not that my pain is any better. You said that u had filed, I think, for disability. I have fibromyalgia, degenerative disc, ruptured disc in L3/L4, bad depression (all the things that go along w fibro). I am also on pain meds and ambien for sleep. Just wanted to pass some info on that may help..I know I’m always up for suggestions from anyone. I filed disability in Feb w an attorney, Disability Group, Inc, out of LA, CA. (I live in AR and found his name in the paper) His phone # is 310-829-5100, his name is Ronald D. Miller. They say that most cases are won the first time around, about 30%., which is such a very low %. Mine was approved the first time.(prasing God) I did not get back pay, and will not get Medicare for 2 yrs, but at least I will get the max amt of disability allowed for me. Just a suggestion (it took about 4 mo, which he said it would take about that long). Also, look up Dr Rodger Murphree on internet. He aso has 2 books out (haven’t gotton them yet, broke, won’t start getting check until end of Sept) but he has several articles and a seminar that I watched on the net he was giving to some doctors that were very informative). I am going to try what he suggests because I have nothing to lose. You can buy from him or from WM, which I did. I’m just starting w the 5-HTP, Magnesium and mulit-vitamin. Fibro ’s are bankrupt in seritonin wihich help w mood and sleep, mag for IBS. Anyway, just another suggestion. I also pray for God’s healing…I know that He is doing it…I will pray for u too. I am 58 and my daughter who is almost 30, also has symptoms just as mine started out in my 20’s. I was diagnosed in 1997. Good luck Debbie and God Bless you<3
I to suffer from fms its horrible. I cry every night the headache and no sleep make it the worse everytime I go to the er its like they don’t care and its so frustrating. I had my gallbladder removed and now my back constantly hurts and legs even worse. Now I might need to get shots or surgery on my spine which I’m not looking forward to. I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this. I also suffer from seizures and on bipolar meds. I feel like my life has reached a stand still. I have three small children and its the only thing keeping me from committing suicide. This pain is no joke no one will ever understand not even the best of doctors. Smfh
Thank you, I needed that.
I am so sorry for everyone who has Fibro, this thing changes your life forever. No-one realises how we suffer unless they have it themselves! I don’t get any help at all, though my husband does drive me to shop (I do a little shopping) he does most of it and he cooks supper, I walk my dogs if I possibly can and I usually feel better for it….I don’t rush round of course, it does help to get out of the house. I am 68 1/2yrs old and I had this thing for nearly 30yrs together with Chronic Fatigue. Food smells appalling now and then as it’s being cooked, noise from next door is horrific ( they have four kids with squeaky voices and screams) they are nice children really! I get pain literally all over me, neck,shoulders, diaphram, arms.hands, fingers, knees and feet, also intercostal pain under my arms and hips. I sleep sitting up I slip down though during night if I happen to turn onto my side that is agonising when I wake up. The physio have given me 2 zimmers one for upstairs & one for downstairs I also have a picker upper which I love as it saves me bending and a long handled shoe horn which I find useful as well. I would love a bed that would sit me up, for use during a flare. I’d love someone to clean my house occasionally and the windows. I am coeliac, diabetic and have cellulitis in my leg can’t seem to get rid of it, I have Glaucoma as well and must go and put me eye drops Heh ho this life is most jolly!!! Lots of love and blessings to you all I’d give you a hug but it would hurt wouldn’t it, my eldest and hug very gently, yes she has it as well so we commiserate Heligull Keep your beaks up !!!
It’s hard being a man with fibromyalgia. Men are supposed to just “suck it up” and if we have pain unrelated to a broken bone we should just keep quiet about it. There’s a lot of shame in trying not to overdo anything (from hiking to yard work) simply because you know the pain will keep you awake at night. Who do you talk to? No one wants to listen to a guy bitching about constant pain. So you bottle it up.
You have said it all. Me I just wish that for one day my very unsympathetic exhusband could feel the pain we go through!! He still wouldn’t get it bc it would be all about him but I would still like him to have to feel it. LOL LOL LOL
kim, you said exactly what i wish!
I have wished the EXACT SAME THING – especially after I’m criticized by the hubs for being “lazy” because I hurt so bad to get out of bed by 9:30am on the weekends after working over 50 hours a week and taking care of anything at the house. I’m told the pain I feel isn’t real or that I over-exaggerate it. One day – that’s all I ask for …
I love that you explain the difference between pain threshhold and pain tolerance. I too think I tolerate pain well, because I was have had neck and back pain since I was a teenager. I think the fibromyalgia pain struck in my thirties. I can’t say exactly, because I did what I needed to do and more despite pain. I just remember thinking it was odd I had burning, painful muscles all the time. I even asked my husband if he had pain if I pressed on his arm. Of course, he said, “NO.”
Thanks for the clear definitions of pain threshold and pain tolerance. Several years ago, I severely twisted my ankle, broke a small bone, and tore a small part of a tendon. I watched my ankle swell into a rainbow colored balloon. When I was taken to the doctor (right ankle, couldn’t drive), they immediately asked me if I wanted a pain med. Being a Fibromite, my pain tolerance was so high that I turned it down. The doctor and nurses were stunned. I did take some home with me in case I needed it, but that’s when I realized my tolerance was much, much higher than most other people. I also agree with so many others when I honestly can’t remember my last pain free day. Very, very rarely, when I awake with no pain, it’s like a miracle and I feel like a kid again (I’m 58). Take very good care of yourselves, especially in this horrible heatwave. (I live in Texas….)
I’m also a male with CFS – a supposedly female disease. And yes there is more expectation to suck it up as a male and I continued working until I literally couldn’t pull myself up into my truck and my customers were advising me – assuming just the way I looked – that I’d better see a doctor.
It’s all clear to me now but it was the way I operated my entire life – you don’t go to the doctor unless you’re really sick and I was rarely sick. Pain and fatigue were almost in the job description for my employment and I was pushing the envelope.
So my “acceptance” of this is the way my life is – and after 12 years the way it will probably continue to be – is one of the harder things I have to overcome continually even today.
But as well being truthful – before I was afflicted with CFS – I would have had a hard time understanding that a person not showing the visible signs of a disability could be enduring as much pain and misery claimed.
I lost a great deal and had to put more than just “the old me” in my past. On top of the employment I loved, I lost a marriage of 23 years, the home I loved, the income and security of working for a great company, etc.
At times I even question myself if I even want to go on another 10 years if it has to be living in this “bubble” or sort. But I keep plugging away, alone, suffering in pain and misery. But having all my medical done at a VA hospital not once have I felt sorry for myself or wished this disease on anyone. It’s just too debilitating!
I don’t know what all I wrote above – the points I tried to make – or even if I made them – that’s about how dismal my memory has become – but I wanted to rant a bit and I queued up this wonderful site and let it fly.
We all have stories and most of them aren’t very pretty. We just have to do the best we can and put one foot in front of the other. But, in closing, I’d be happy to match my pain threshold with any “non-believer” out there. Thanks again Adrienne for your wonderful site!
Yes – that is so true about the pain. Living with it on a daily basis means that I function in spite of the pain. I do tend to become addicted to painkillers quickly during a major fare-up but recognise that now and live without them as long as I can, getting ready for the next time I need them. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with ‘acute onset osteo-arthritis’ of both knees. They had suddenly become swollen the evening before and I was unable to walk due to their weakness. It was a brief episode lasting 3-4 hours. In the morning the knees were still red/swollen so I saw the Dr and told him what happened. He said FM didn’t exist and I would be in incredible pain forever with those knees like that. Two days later the episode was over completely and back to just the stabbing pain on the inside of each knee. Dr is confused, it shouldn’t happen like this! Thank goodness it hasn’t happened again.
I look forward to receiving the chronic fatigue/fibro emails from Adrienne every friday. I’m sorry that anyone else in the world has to live with the pain and host of other “syndromes” and co-existing conditions that come with fibro. But it’s so nice to not feel alone. It lets me know I’m not crazy. I totally relate to almost every complaint – from sensitive skin to severe muscle aches and everything in between…I even have days when I just don’t want to live through another day like this. So thank you Adrienne and thank you commenters (is that a word?) for giving me hope, support, education and laughter. Even if you didn’t know you were.
I also want to rant and rave or more likely just cry and cry. I have had knee replacement this year, torn knee meniscus repaired in other knee this year, pain in both is still intense and ongoing, not been able to reduce the ms contin I am on..130mg a day ,take Lyrica etc etc. FM is in major flare , inflammatory arthritis is also making all joints hurt, Have just been dx with carpel tunnel syndrome and guess what I am depressed .. all the time everything hurts and I am so exhausted. Try to continue to work part time work because here in Australia FM is not grounds for disabilty support! I wish I kew what to do, would end it all except daughter has it , think 13 year old granddaughter hads it too, so have to stay and try to help them!!
thanks for letting me vent Lynne
Very well written and well put – thank you.
Hi everyone. I’m 38 years old and have 3 kids of my own and a step-son. I’ve been having leg and knee pain recently and went to see my primary doctor who sent me to an orthapedic. MRI showed torn cartlidge in left knee and right knee has small bone cyst. As the doctor was touching my knees I about jumped off the table from pain. He said most people don’t complain and grunt like me with these similiar knee injuries and thinks it’s a nerve problem..he mentioned Fibro. My mom has been suffering from it for over 20 years now and I’m now at the age when she was diagnosed. I’m waiting to see a rheumatologist>>spelling??. My right knee feels like a burning pain when pressure is applied and my inner thighs hurt all the time when touched. I also have upper neck and back pain, lower back and hip pain. I’m on Zoloft and Buspar..also have high blood pressure. I’m taking Tramadol for pain, seems to be helping. Wondering if in fact I do have Fibro?? I feel tired all the time and now use Ambien to sleep..what a miracle drug! I feel I have less pain when I get better sleep. Three days ago I had a procedure done called NovaSure and my pain in the recovery room was awful. The nurse had to give me more pain meds. NovaSure ablation helps stop your period or lessen it…have yet to see if it works for me. I had three C-sections and each time, esp. the last it was more painful. Also the doctor told me I have a low threshold for pain..was he calling me a wimp?? I felt degraded. Hope I find out what my problem is besides being very tired all the time…thanks for listening..any thoughts…