Quality sleep is often only a dream when you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. According to a British researcher, just about everyone would sleep better alone rather than sharing a bed with someone.
Dr. Neil Stanley points to a study that showed couples had 50% more sleep disturbances when they shared a bed. That could lead to problems for anyone, but for us, sleep disturbances are especially damaging -- they make everything about our conditions worse.
I can see a lot of value in this. I know there are nights when I keep my husband awake, or visa versa. We also keep different schedules -- I'm rarely in bed before midnight, and he gets up at 4:30 a.m. -- and we do sometimes wake each other up because of it. I've also heard countless people complain about their spouse's snoring, cover hogging, wiggling, etc. I have to think, a lot of us (and our spouses) would probably get better rest if we weren't sharing a bed.
What do you think? Is this a good idea? Dumb idea? A no-brainer? Do you choose to sleep alone so you can sleep better? Leave your comments below!
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I have to agree with Amy. A temperature controlled “King”sized bed is the best way to go.
I have been married almost 27 years. We have always slept together, however, over the last 1 1/2 years we sleep in separate beds when necessary. The deciding factor is really pain level. When we sleep with the fan on and it blows directly on me it worsens my pain and stiffness. He has blood pressure issues and usually runs a little warm so he requires the fan. Psychologically it was a difficult realization but one we have to take one day at a time.
I once read if you want a relationship to last forever, buy a queen-sized bed. The intimacy is much better I’d admit, but, I do sleep better on vacation when we have a king-sized mattress except when I can’t feel him near. It is a quizical situation for me!
I don’t want to admit that I want to buy a king when we invest in a new matress in a couple of years but I am thinking about it. I wouldn’t dare suggest seperate beds, I think he would say it’s a choice; him or seperate beds!
He is the only reason worth living with FMS for!
The best thing my husband and I did was to buy a Select Comfort (Sleep Number Bed), extra long twin mattresses with twin adjustable and massaging foundations. Cost a pretty penny, but worth the sleep we now get. They are pushed together, so it looks like a king size and we share the top sheet and blankets. I can toss and turn all night if I have to, but he doesn’t notice. I sleep better when I know I am not disturbing him.
I can relate to most of you. I can’t cuddle because I have too much pain. We purchased a king-sized sleep number bed 4 years ago, minus the massaging feature. There is a foam pad that separates us and we have our individual comfort levels. We have different sleep patterns too. He’s up at 4 AM and I can rarely fall asleep before 11 PM. I no longer wake up from bed movement. He has high blood pressure issues and I still get hot easily. The Chii Pad looks like it’s something worth saving up for.
Sleeping alone really helps!! We also have one person going to bed at midnight or later and the other getting up at 4:30 a.m. Much better in separate BEDROOMS. I kicked the cats out too. Big decrease in pain!
i can relate to this sleeping issue i thought it was just me i heard everything snoring , turning talking, it was awful he felt like i was picking on him when i moaned about his bed habits.
sadly since this time we have split up and beleive it or not i sleep 100 times better.
I cant beleive there is actually a reason it being fibromyalgia suppose i should have known
We used to have a sleep number bed- it was a gift to us from our son. I liked it, my husband did not. He could never get his half comfortable. Sadly, during a storm there was a power surge that burned out the pump for it. It was not covered by insurance. Hubby refused to bring it when we moved, even though I thought we would eventually get a new motor for it.
I felt guilty because I feel like I wish I could sleep alone. I really like having him there, but it’s so hard to get a good night’s sleep. Now I see I am not the only one.
After 41 years, though, it would be very hard to get used to.
When I first met my other half, I couldn’t believe how easy he was to sleep with, but now we are both older and fatter, his snoring keeps me awake so I go into the spare room in the middle of the night. He hates it, but I really need my sleep, especially during the week when I have to get up for work. We have a visitor tonight so I have had a couple of drinks to help
Sleeping alone has been a godsend. We have two Boston Terriers. One sleeps on my husband’s former side, the other sleeps next to me for 20 mintues and then moves to the guest room to join my husband. He gets up at 4:30. I am finally sleeping later. This has been going on for about two months. It seems to be working.
For the most part, I sleep better with him there. When my back hurts, he backs up behind me and it helps the pain. As far as snuggling, sometimes the support from him holding me makes me feel better. Don’t get me wrong – there are the nights that everything hurts and nothing helps. I just don’t think not having him there would make it better!
My husband and I haven’t slept in the same room since I was pregnant in 1981 and experiencing the later diagnosed FM. Due to the configuration of our houses on a one floor ranch with completely finished walk out lower floor, I didn’t want my teenage daughter in the walkout. So she and I were upstairs and my husband was downstairs, where the family room and his office are. So we don’t sleep in the same bed, or the same floor and even on the same side of the house! And I sleep so much better (not to say sleep well) than when we travel and must sleep in the same room. I’m up til 2-3am and he’s not. It works very very well.
I was forced to sleep in another room on another floor because my x snored so loud. Thankfully, we are divorced, and not because of snoring
. My present mate snores some, but I would not be happy if I had to sleep alone again. I seem to sleep well, considering I have FM, when he is in the bed. We recently bought a pillow top and it has helped so much. We both are heavy and the pillow top keeps the motion of one turning over almost nil.
I have been married for 37 years and loved the fact that my husband and I had the sleeping thing down pat. We spooned; when he turned, I turned and vice versa. However, that hasn’t happened in a long time. We, too, have different sleeping patterns, and when I am up late because I can’t sleep, he says I wake him too often. So I now sleep in our extra bedroom. He has never ‘gotten’ or believed the fact that just the pressure of his arm lying across me at night hurts my hip. He will never get it I don’t think, unless he was able to experience FM. It is sad that our sleeping together had to end most times because of this disease.
Between my fibromyalgia and both of us having sleep apnea, we gave up and went to separate bedrooms a couple of years ago. It has made a difference in how much sleep I get.
We are in the process of getting a tempur pedic bed and I am hoping we can try sleeping together again. Competing CPAP machines and all.
We do have very different sleep patterns. He is up later and earlier than I am so it still may not work. I miss cuddling before going to sleep.
I can’t wait for that bed!
I thought I was the only one having this problem! My husband gets home from work around midnight and I’ve just gotten to bed. He usually stays up until 3 or 4 and by then I’m getting up to go to the couch because I can only take our queen size bed for so long, with or without him in it! I believe getting a king size bed will help both of us too because we both suffer from sleep apena as well as me with my Fibro pain!
We purchased a tempur pedic foam mattress a couple of years ago and this was the best thing that has happened for me. The mattress cradles and holds me as opposed to the firmness of anything else waking me up all night, and it doesn’t move. So when my husband gets up and/or moves about, I don’t notice. This fibro has robbed us of so many things, but I really don’t want to give everything up to it, including having my husband close by me all night.
My husband and I are complete opposites since I have had Fibromyalgia. He is a deep sleeper who snores, likes it very cold and is a big guy. I am a very light sleeper and the snoring kept me from ever falling into a deep sleep, the cold made me ache more and the pressure of his arm or leg on me hurts alot. We split up for a while (Fibromyalgia can take its toll on a marriage, even after 12 years) but are trying to work things out, and we do sleep in separate bedrooms now. I sleep so much better! It is amazing! I feel better knowing that I am not the only Fibro person who benefits from sleeping alone!
I have been married 29 years and we have been sleeping apart more than together. My husband snores very loudly. He goes to sleep at 10 pm because he gets up early for work. I rarely get to sleep before 2 am. I can have the light on to read or watch TV and not disturb him and his snoring does not bother me. The only thing I care to share a bed with these days is my 4 Yorkies.
I have had fibromyalgia for many years and sleeping with my husband has been a problem for me. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight and my husband is up by 6am to go to work. It can take me forever to go to sleep. I lay there listening to him snoring. I have been told that i snore too. I am considering moving out into a spare room.
i have had fibro for 25yrs.,been widowed twice, would love to have someone to spend therest of my life with, but because i’m in such pain there is no way i could have a phyical relationship, so quess that’s out, nor could i do the other things a wife is required to do, my cleaning doesn’t get done often, and not much making a meal going on sometimes it will be weeks, i just grab something that takes no work. type in best beds for fibromyalgia it will bring u to this site where they
manufacture there own beds, i talked to a guy that figures out
which bed is best for u.trouble is i can’t afford the 1,200. but
maybe someday, i’m only 65 LOL. anyhow if and when i can afford i will probably get from them, from what Jim told me about bed i should get. they also let u try it for a long time,if ur not happy they take it back. pmac
We have been married 25 years. I have been sleeping on the couch during the week for about two years now because of my fibro, and the fact that I am the one that keeps HIM up at night with my snoring and jerking all through the night (I also was diagnosed recently with sleep apnea and restless legs/periodic limb movement). We bought a sleep number bed which is very comfortable, but I still keep him up and he also gets up at 4:30 for work. We sleep together on the weekends though, because he can sleep in late in the mornings to make up for the lost sleep during the night. I am still fatigued every morning for lack of REM sleep and fibro pain regardless, so there is no need to make him suffer from no sleep as well.