This is my second Christmas with (diagnosed) fibromyalgia and I've learned a lot in the last year. I did a few things that, looking back, I can now call a success. Mainly, I scaled back on the preparations and let other people help me. I did a lot of shopping online, especially for out-of-town family, so I saved trips to the store and the post office. I took my husband up on his offer to take a few days off before Christmas, and believe me, I put him to work! After I had a few bad days that put us both behind, I decided to forego outside lights this year and focus instead on the absolute essentials. My gifts were wrapped, but not as elaborately decorated as usual. I accepted my mother-in-law's offer to supply breakfast for the morning get-together at my house and didn't insist on making pies for the big family dinner that night (I took some special drinks instead).
All that helped, but of course I was still tired by Christmas Eve. Still, once the kids were tucked in and Santa duties fulfilled, I had a bout of insomnia that kept me up for a few extra hours. After presents and breakfast with the family, I was trying to push through when my husband suggested that I take a nap. I felt guilty, but I laid down. During my long winter's nap, he and the kids went to his grandma's, opened some more presents and had dinner. I missed it. But I was able to be there for the traditional evening of games, talking, laughing and watching all the cousins play with their new toys. Had I skipped the nap, I probably would have been exhausted and in pain and turned into a big drain on the festivities.
OK, so I did pretty well this year, but what did I learn? What could I have done better? As I mentioned, diet, exercise and sleep routines can be left behind in the holiday rush, and I think I left mine somewhere around Halloween. If I'd been taking better care of myself in the weeks leading up to the holiday season, maybe we could have gotten the lights hung. Maybe the ribbons and bows would have made it onto the boxes. Maybe I would have been able to get through the day without a long nap. That'll be something to work on for next year.
What did you do right or wrong this holiday season? Join the discussion at the forum and maybe we call all learn something that will help us out next year.
I admire your ability to be realistic. I have two children (8 and 13) and was depressed and trying not to show it that we had to leave out the outside lights and I grouped their presents instead of wrapping them individually (although that saved on wrapping paper). I also took a sister-in-law up on her offer of Christmas dinner but would have liked to make it myself. I hear what you’re saying, though, about the lead-up time. I know if I “train” for an event, I do better with it. That’s why our few days at the Poconos was so much fun. For the holidays, though, I agree with you. I ran out of energy around Halloween. Mostly, I guess I need to be more realistic. Thanks for sharing.
It is hard to get people to understand you cannot live up to old expectations (even when you have had FM for 15 years). This year I had to have a radical hysterectomy (for cancer) in September and now we have to shift house. Christmas in the middle of all this nearly sent me over the edge but I still pushed myself to have the family party at our house even though everyone brings food so that is not such a big issue. Tidying up before and after is though (four grown children and 2 grandchildren). My husband does not understand why I get so anxious and cry a lot. He is sympathetic but feels helpless, I guess.
You are off to a great start in handling daily life. I’ve found that Internet shopping, their wrapping and shipping keeps things manageable for me. As I can’t walk around the malls like I used to do. My husband does the laundry because “it’s the manly thing to do” and I get to rest on weekends.
Wish that my three bosses, who are actually doctors (!) could understand my fibro issues.
I wish my husband understood how much I do to keep my sleep habits good – but insomnia or pain can interfere with sleep and good intentions.
I totally blew my holidays. I just tried to do stuff because my husband hasn’t had the heart to be a real part of Christmas since his dad died almost two years ago. Now his mom is senile and he is just going through a tough time.
So, I did stuff and stayed up and had to the Santa stuff all by myself. My husband was down with a cold, too.
so, I got through our stuff – two boys 7 and 9 and then conked out for about three days. I slept and took meds and slept some more.
Oh well, maybe next year I will be more balanced.
Still seeking grace,
Denise
I have FMS and this article caught my eye. I understand what everyone is saying on this site. It seems there is some level of guilt, expectations and even competitiveness with one’s former self. I really enjoyed the holidays because we did what we wanted to within our means. I had a lot of satisfaction having completed this realistic goal of having a festive meal with my family and appreciating the meaning of the season for me which is Christ’s birth. Just enjoying this with my family was enough. I didn’t worry about how the gifts turned out or any little detail. It was really freeing and worderful. I was probably able to do this becuase all year long I had attended to my personal issues with the illness and how it affected my life. I set boundaries, realistic goals, and cut out a lot of activities and friendships that were not helping me. Without these anger, drama and pity triggers I have a lot less to deal with and life seems more manageable. I couldn’t have done it alone. My husband has been really supportive and I had gone through talk therapy. I hope you have a wonderful year.
I, too, was celebrating my second Christmas after diagnosis. It is hard to make choices when we still want to do all those things that we always did in the past. This Christmas had the added stress of possible job change. We decided to forego the extended family outings and my husband, two kids and I stayed home. It was very nice.
I have the good fortune to have purchased a scooter, which makes Christmas shopping far more pleasant than it had been in recent years. I haven’t quite got over the vanity thing, and have to admit that we go farther than from home than we need to so that there’s less chance of running into people I know, but it certainly has made a difference physically in how I feel about shopping.
Happy New Year, everyone!
It’s so great to hear how everyone manages such a stressful time. I really appreciate all these comments and I hope your willingness to share can help other people trying to get a handle on this so very frustrating illness.
We finally moved near all the rest of our family. This made the Holidays a lot easier. This is my 5th yr of Holidays, after being diagnosed with FM, CFS, Lupus, Arthritis, IBS and other problems. I only entertained everyone on New Year’s Day. Unfortunately, we had some nieces and nephews stay at our home, which although I loved having them here, it did make my days busier and my stress higher. I started having migraines right after the first of the year. Also, I have been having a lot more “bed” days since then. Hopefully, I will get stronger in the next couple of weeks. I’m glad to know that others have chosen to cut down on activities and nap in between. Good luck to all of you!!